Love Them Enough to Let Them Go - A Mom's Guide

A mom's journey is not an easy one. In this mini-series we will explore being a mother to a college kid. This is probably the hardest of all stages because this is where we have to truly let go of them. Hence the title "Love Them Enough to Let Them Go - a mom's guide".

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I knew this day would come.

How did I know? Well, it’s been 18 years in the making. And it’s the circle of Life. I’ve done it myself and now I’m on the other side, experiencing what my mom went through all those years ago.

What am I talking about? I’m talking about college…and the fact that my kid is headed there this Fall.

This is my second born who will be heading to college. So I have the ‘experience’. Let me tell you, it does NOT help. AT ALL. Each kid is different and so the mom-worry is different.

In this series, I want to share with you some of my experiences, my worries, my advice and my coping mechanism. I hope you will find these useful and relatable to bring you some I’m-not-alone solace.

When my son was embarking on his college journey, I faithfully joined the Fb Parent Group for his college. The dorm that was assigned to him was called ‘The Party Dorm’ and many parents raised concerns about it. I wanted to bring this to his attention without making a big deal about it – because you know that if you ‘tell’ your teenager something, they either zone out or do the exact opposite.

We parents of college kids, have to be very sneaky in our approach.

So here’s how our conversation went. Oh and this happened in the car, because that’s the best place to have a conversation – the kid cannot walk away. See…SNEAKY.

Me, “I was reading in the Fb group that your dorm is called ‘The Party Dorm’.” That’s it. No advice, no judgement. Just facts. Son, “Yeah. I know. I’ve heard that too. Are you worried that I will end up partying all the time?” In my head “That thought definitely crossed my mind”. But to him, I said “No, of course not. You have a good head on your shoulders. I know that you will make smart choices. I trust you.” Fingers mentally crossed (remember, SNEAKY).

Son, “Good. You don’ t have to worry. I’ll be fine.” End of Conversation.

You might be thinking…what was the point of that conversation? I didn’t really say anything. But actually, I did. I let him know that I know the nickname his dorm has earned. I let him know that I am keeping tabs on what’s happening in the college. More importantly, I let him know that I trust him. (which really boils down to – I trust my parenting).

The second time around is quite a bit different for me. This time it is my daughter who is heading to college. The worries and the fears are not the same…they are tenfold!

When my kids were born, I had read somewhere “It’s like having your heart walking around – out of your body”. It was scary and every moment they were out of arms reach was a moment of worrisome torture. Now they are going to be away from home. I cannot see them, hold them, hug them everyday. That’s hard.

But then I remember when I was in college. Some of my best memories, some of my hardest personal growth happened in those years. I learned to make decisions, to understand my finances, to make mistakes and learn from them. I learned Confidence in myself.

Of course, I want the same for my children.

I’m going to step back. I’m going to allow them grace for the mistakes they are bound to make. I’m going to love them enough to let them go. In my own sneaky way. 😊

Next: THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD - and why my kids believe me >>

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From One Mom to Another...

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